Update and Bed Rest

Wow, how things have changed. So here's the update since being scared out of my mind:

I am currently still pregnant. Who would have thought? We didn't.
My doctors still can't believe I'm still pregnant.
Christmas Day made us 32 weeks along.
As of yesterday, both girls are over the 4lb mark. Grow babies, grow!
I am thrilled to be just 2 weeks away from being OFF bed rest. Like whoa. Having been through this journey I've learned a lot. And I can finally talk about it without wanting to punch a wall.

The bed rest journey has been amazing. In some ways in a good way. In a lot of ways bad. All amazing. Here are things I have learned:

• My hips hurt all the time. Before bed rest I could get up and walk it off. Now, I have to treat it with Tylenol and re-positioning. Neither work some of the time. Ouch.
• Don't tell someone on bed rest to "enjoy it". Yes, I understand you're trying to make me feel better. But the last thing you want to tell someone who is fighting for the lives of their children is to "enjoy resting because you'll never be able to again". Isn't that what all moms want? Healthy children to chase and be worn out over? It may not be the most pleasant, but all moms-to-be plan to be sleep deprived. It's a given. But a sure way to get on a mom's bad side is to say to enjoy bed rest. There's nothing fun about it. Period.
• There is no sleep. Because you don't do anything during the day you can't sleep at night. Because you don't move during the day, your body spasms.
• Your mind tells to you stay still, you're body tells you to get up. It's a constant battle of willpower.
• You constantly feel claustrophobic.
• There were times when I didn't step foot outside for over 10 days.
• You find yourself craving the short amount of time each day you can take a shower. Even if your husband has to wash/shave your legs. Any amount of time standing is a treat.
• Friends, visitors and phone calls are a girls best friend. Any connection with the outside world is such a treat.
• You learn to HATE TV. This has been difficult in our family. I watch TV all day to "zone out" and make the day go by for when John comes home and I have human contact. And when John gets home, he wants to zone out from his day. That's the time when I need him to talk. To hear about his day, news from the outside. Anything. He could tell me he saw a dog take a dump and I would find it interesting. We've had to learn how to compromise on this.
• If you know John and I, you know we don't do sports. John knew I needed to get out more when I started talking to him about sports news. He knew at that moment our marriage was going to chance drastically if he didn't nip this in the bud and get me some outside attention. He planned for more visitors and had a planned activity for me each day. Call the insurance about this, research that etc. It helped a lot.  
• I love watching my girls move. I know their movements, when they're asleep, awake or playing. I feel like I know them already. Even though we've never met. I will always treasure the moments I've been given getting to know them in my tummy. They are the reason I fight. They are the reason I put myself through this. And I feel I have a better connection with them after spending hours upon hours watching, talking to and enjoying them.

Now that I am in my 10th week of this, I can talk about it without crying. I'm looking at the tail end. There is a light. We have an end date. 2 more weeks and I can stop. I can get up. I can do laundry, wash the stinky Maggie. Not get fussed at for looking in the fridge for too long. I may not be able to fit behind the wheel of the car, but I'll be able to walk up the street. Heck, I'll be able to walk to the mailbox! Just 2 more weeks.

It's going to take a lot of strength to get back to myself. Ive been laying on my ass for 3 months. I don't have the stamina I used to, I may need physical therapy. It's going to be a slow recovery. And I may have the kids before I'm up to my full potential. And with carrying 10+ pounds of baby I will not see my old self for many, many months. But I'll have plump, screaming, healthy babies. I've tried to be a good patient. It's the hardest thing mentally and physically I've ever had to do. But it does pay off.

I may go in to labor the day I come off bed rest. Or I may actually reach our c-section date (Feb 8th). We don't know and we wont until I'm given the OK to get up. I do know I don't dread Dr's appointments anymore. I look forward to them now. Amazing how something that most parents love  we dreaded for so long. Not knowing if we were going to be sent straight to the hospital again or not. We keep a hospital bag packed at all times. For each Dr. visit we pack like we wont be home for 3 days (at least). We drop Maggie off at my mom's just in case. It's a superstition that, so far, has worked in our favor.

So here we go. We're in the final stretch. I pray we keep them in another 3-4 weeks. We will see. In the meantime, I've been cleared to go up to the nursery once a day. You'll know where to find me. :)