And the Angel Said Unto Her...

It's Christmas. The holiday of Joy, of peace, of laughter, of magic. My favorite holiday of the year. As I grow older, each season is different. As a child, I can remember the excitement and the wonder of Christmas. Barely being able to sleep at night, being so excited about Santa, and Christmas lights, and magical trees, and family fun that I couldn't contain myself.

Growing up my parents tried very hard to instill in my siblings and I that Christmas is a season, not a day. Christmas is about celebration. About life. And about Jesus. Yes, the presents were looked forward to, but not a necessity for us. It was about family. About tradition. It was about baking cookies together for loved ones, wrapping gifts, singing happy tunes, family gatherings and giggling at the kids table. It was about celebrating Jesus.

Now that I'm an adult, I still adore the lights and I still yearn for the silly-goodness the holidays bring. But the older I get, the more the season means to me. People who were once a part of my life, aren't any longer. Grandparents are gone, but their memory lives on. Christmas is about gathering. About celebrating.

It's not about gifts anymore. It's about quality time with those you love. It's about food. love and laughter. It's about cuddling up close with a warm blanket and a warm cup of cocoa and being thankful for your blessings.

John and I have been through some very difficult times over the past month. We've had to make decisions about our family. About our values. About where God is taking us. We've discussed whether we're reaping or sowing. We've discussed if we're following God's plan. A lot of this weight has fallen on John's shoulders and I hate that for him. The holidays are to be fun and light. I can see he is struggling. I see it in his eyes. I see it in the way he carries himself. I see it with every long sigh, every forced laugh at something he used to always think was funny. I see the pain.

This year Christmas is so different. Because my sweet husband is struggling. We didn't even want to put up a tree. It was like it took too much effort. We aren't having a holiday party. We aren't having people over to see our decorations. So putting up a tree and all the decorations seemed fruitless. We did decide to buy a tree and put it up (at last, it happened last night) but we didn't even pull out all the ornaments. The tree only has the minimum about of lights on it. Everything seems so solumn.

I want to bring cheer back into our lives. I want to bring back the light. I want to enter into all the fabulous blog-y parties there are out there for holiday decorations, but I don't know. I don't know how to mend him. I don't know if it's worth it now to pull everything out, take pictures, edit, and post. I don't even know if enough people read this little blog to care. Now, Sure I can be there for John. I can be his best friend, and listen, talk and be his rock. I'm good at that. But I don't know how to fix broken. Is it time? Sleep? Prayer? I don't know, so I pray. I pray for him. Day and night. To find his path. To find his feet. To find his giggle box again.

I want to bake him all his favorite  holiday goodies. I want to bring the cheer back into his eyes. But to be completely honest, he's beginning to bring me down. I thought to myself this morning on my drive to work, why should I do so much hard work when I'm not sure he'll enjoy it? It would be so much easier to "skip" a lot of the holiday preparation and not have to "worry" about it. I don't mention my beliefs much (or at all) on the blog, because I want this to be a place for people to come for inspiration about their home, and not have to sift through scripture. But today I feel so strongly about this I needed to say something. God smacked me. Hard. It was like he spoke right into my ear.

He said, "Elizabeth, of course you have to prepare! You have to prepare for Christmas because you are John's eyes this season. He may not have the drive to do it, but that means you have to drive for him. You are his advocate to bring Christmas back. Celebrate baby Jesus' birth. If you don't, who will?"

So today, I'm putting my Santa hat on and getting busy. Regardless of whether I "feel" like it or not. I have to. For God. For Jesus. And for John. After all, it's Christmas.